All I Want For Christmas
by Cyrano of Notre Dame
Summary: Chris and Grodie spend Christmas together when Gordie's parents go to Denver. The two learn more about eachother and their realtionship over the holiday. Chris and Gordie slash. Rated M for some langauge but mostly lots of Christmas fluff and sweetness!
1. Prologue

Prologue:

"C'mon Gordie , don't be a pussy , you can do this!" Gordon LaChance told himself as he kneeled in front of the toilet in the up stairs bathroom.

"Gordon? Are you all right in there?" His mother called from the other side of the door.

"Now Gordie C'mon!" He screamed in his head "No I think I'm..."

He started to call out to his mother, before he finished his sentence he closed his eyes , took a deep breath , and plunged his middle finger down his throat as far as it would go. The result was an instantaneous wretching followed by a flood of orange colored vomit. He noted with satisfaction the loud , messy , and unmistakable sound it made.

"Gordon , what's wrong? Are you sick?" His mother nearly screeched.

"Yeah mom , It's pretty bad." he called back , adding some fake vomiting noises for effect.

He emerged from the bathroom looking paler and thinner than he had when he entered it , he walked unsteadily to his room and lying down on his bed moaned a few times for good measure.

"I think I have that stomach virus that's been going around." he told his mother weakly.

He made a show of looking at the clock and got up out of bed quickly,

though with exaggerated difficulty.

"It's ten , we're supposed to leave for Denver in half and hour." he said stumbling over his shoes on the way to get his jacket.

"Oh no mister , you are going nowhere in your condition!" his mother responded , gently forcing him back into bed. "Now , your father and I will just skip Aunt Madge's this year , you're far too sick to go anywhere."

"No!" Gordie exclaimed.

His mother raised an eyebrow as if to say "excuse me?"

"I mean , you guys should go , you only get to see your sister once a year." He said , recovering his tone of saintly suffering. "And you already told her you'd be there , who else does she have over the holidays?" He implored.

"That's true Gordon , but we simply can't leave you in this condition!"

"I talked to from the drug store , he said this bug

only lasts a few days and you just have to sweat it out, ...near a trash can of course." He waited to see the reaction this would cause.

"Well , I don't know , you just threw up once , maybe it was only something you ate."

"Yeah maybe , but think what would happen if I threw up in the car , or on your new dress!" Gordie's mother paused to consider this new and troubling possibility.

"Well.."

"Oh gosh!" Gordie covered his mouth and ran for the bathroom. His mother heard him throw up again and decided it was time to discuss this with her husband and see what he had to say about leaving their sick child home alone a few days before Christmas eve.

The Lachance's green station wagon pulled out of the drive way at ten thirty ,right on schedule , while Gordie watched , smiling from the window.


	2. Merry Christmas Gordie

Merry Christmas Gordie

The five o'clock whistle tore through the crisp December air like a banshee's screech , signaling quitting time for all the grimy , sawdust laden men at Crompton Lumber Yard. The piercing cry signaled the start of Christmas vacation for Chris Chambers.

New safety codes and child labor restrictions , until very recently used as kindling and toilet paper by the manager of the yard , , were now recognized and obeyed , enshrined in a glass casing on the corkboard in 's office. The city labor inspector had taken ill with a whooping cough and was no longer there to accept Shayer's well intention gifts of money or free lumber , he was also not there to turn a blind eye to Crompton Lumber Yard's virulent lack of any safety procedures or work restrictions.

And as such , for the first time in his memory , Chris was given a three day vacation without fear of being fired from his part time job. Three days not including Christmas Eve or the day itself which had always been revered , even by Shayer.

The very idea of it! Five days with no work , no school , it was a present in itself! As the first flurries of December danced down from the sky Chris held in sides in an effort to keep his body heat inside his thin , patched coat. He started down the hill out of the lumber yard clutching his brand new , crisp and clean as Sunday morning , green as a pine forest, hundred dollars and thirty one cents. His pay. He'd worked like a madman , hauling timber , sweeping up shavings , cleaning equipment , the only work he was allowed to do given his age , for two weeks and here , here was the proof of it!

He began spending the money in his head as he walked shivering to the tree house on the hill overlooking the abandoned field beside Gordie's.

"Fifty for groceries, no wait , sixty , dad's going to buy his usual Christmas present to himself with his unemployment check , two kegs and all the smokes he can carry. Um.. I need at least three dollars for that compass we have to have in Geometry. Twenty to help mom with the electric bill. Great! I've got twenty seven left for a decent coat!"

A coat he desperately needed. It was a three mile walk from his house to the lumber yard and a five mile trek from the school. The weather was definitely turning colder and Chris was stuck with the same faded jacket he'd worn since third grade. But now he could afford a decent winter coat , something to fend off the biting , howling winds and driving snow.

This thought only added to the exuberance Chris was feeling as he clambered up into the old , creaking tree house. He dug around in a pile of old newspapers and comic books and pulled out a rusty , green box. His stash. For months He'd been squirreling away money in here for one purpose. He didn't dare touch it for any other reason, not when his parents couldn't pay the water bill and he had to shower in the river in the freezing autumn winds , not when his dad , drunk as a lord , had taken all their grocery money and ran away screaming about "Going to Mexico and reclaimin American soil from those cheating , cross eyed Italians!" and "Avenging the blood of

Washington and Boone by shooting those murderous French Canadians in between their thieving , shifty eyes!" , and not when he'd had to stay at school while everyone else went to the history museum in Portland.

Well ,almost had stayed behind saying he'd rather spend his parents money on books or music. Chris recalled the fun they'd had , running down the halls and out of school with teachers yelling behind them. Fleeing into the woods to spend a whole day talking and stealing peaches from Mrs. McCaskey's farm. They'd eaten till they were sick of the very idea of peaches. But they were happy and content that entire day. Right until the sun started sinking into the mountains and they climbed the tallest hill the could find , so the sun and the day would last longer. Until finally , they couldn't pretend it was still day anymore and they had to go back home , back to their lives.

This money was for him , Gordie , his best friend. Really his only friend , after teddy got expelled and Vern moved. To buy him something really nice for Christmas. He knew Gordies parents didn't celebrate Christmas much at all since Denny's death. He'd been in their house on Christmas Eve and it looked , and felt , like a funeral home after the mortician died , the same way it looked and felt every day of the year. So Christ took it upon himself to give his friend some kind of holiday cheer.

"Twenty , twenty five , thirty , thirty five , forty.. damn!" he swore aloud as he counted his stock. He could have sworn there was another twenty in there somewhere.

"The list of books alone costs that much" he thought , remembering browsing the bookstore , looking up the prices on the books Gordie wanted , or at least seemed to want. The total came to roughly thirty five dollars. Gordie could read dammit! And he didn't like cheap dime store westerns either ,most of the books he wanted were leather bound classics or history books , those on the more pricey side. With this much he'd have to choose between the books or the huge set of writing notebooks and pencils he'd wanted to buy for Gordie. Or sacrifice some of the books for the good of the journals.

"Damn! He probably won't get anything else!" Suddenly Chris remembered his pay.

"Well , it's really not that cold." he opened the box and threw the left over twenty seven dollars in.

"Merry Christmas Gordie."


	3. Gordie's Notebook

Gordie's Notebook

Chris barely had time to hide his stash of money before Gordie popped his head up through the trapdoor of the tree house and said ,

"Chris , guess what?"

"You finally hit puberty?" Chris answered

"I hit that years ago , just ask your mother! No , really , guess what?" Gordie rushed through the ritual of friendly insults and comebacks , bursting with excitement , dying to tell Chris.

"ok , what?"

"My parents are in Denver for a whole five days , I have the house to myself this year!"

Grodie barley paused for a moment to breathe then resumed ,

"You could come over I figured , if you want to I mean."

"Yeah of course man. It'll be like a real Christmas , with a tree and food and all that shit. My parents won't miss me , hell , they'll be glad to have me out of their hair!"

"Ok ,great!" He exclaimed , "We'll need to go out and get a tree , hm.. The decorations are still in the attic but they haven't seen the light of day since, ..the accident…"

Gordie trailed off , most likely recalling all the great Christmases he and his family had had , and how they all but ceased to exist once Denny had died. His parents didn't even say the word Christmas , they simply drove to aunt Madge's every year and endured a series of silent , poorly prepared meals that no one enjoyed , and then left. Forgetting that there ever had been a thing called Christmas , or a full family to celebrate it with. So Gordie had spent the past several holiday seasons alone or with Chris , completely ignored by his parents.

"Hey , you ok man?" , Chris asked , putting his hand on Gordie's shoulder.

"Yeah , fine." Gordie answered "so uh , how soon can you 'move in'?"

"Yesterday man , yesterday." Chris smiled

"Ok , I need to go out and buy a few things. I'll be back around eight. You know where the key is?"

"Yep , your mom showed me so I wouldn't have to knock every other night."

"Whatever Chris." Though Gordie had to admit , at least to himself , that as far as mother insults went , that was pretty good. "See you at eight then." Gordie said , disappearing down the ladder.

"Yeah see you at eight."

Chris couldn't help but think he was a lot happier than he should be. He played it cool around Gordie but on the inside he was screaming and jumping , and doing about a hundred other things. He hadn't been this happy in months.

Chris flopped down on Gordie's bed and put his hands behind his head. He'd always liked Gordie's bed , ever since they first shared it on one of their many sleepovers. It was soft and warm and always smelled like something he could never quite place , something inviting and nostalgic. He smiled and was happy , anticipating five whole days with no parents , no older brothers beating him , just the two of them , alone. He rolled over and thought about taking a quick nap , he was exhausted after a full day of work at the lumber yard.

But then something caught his eye , something thin and red wedged in between the space of Gordie's mattress and the wall. He reached for it.

It was a notebook. He flipped through the pages , an extensively used notebook , Gordie's notebook. He paused for a brief moment. Should he read it? It was probably full of Gordie's short stories , he loved Gordie's stories t but the great writer himself was often shy about showing them to others , even his best friend. After reflection he decided it'd be ok for him to read it , after all he was Gordie's closest friend , they shared everything , and if it did turn out to be something private Gordie had nothing to fear from Chris reading it , he'd keep quiet if need be. He opened the notebook and read the first thing he saw ,

_March 21__st_

_We went to the lake today , Me , Chris , Teddy and Vern. I still have trouble swimming , after what happened with the leeches…ugh! …._

Holy crap , it was a journal! Chris couldn't stop reading now , he was possessed with a desire to know what it was his friend would keep from him. What it was that Gordie had to write in diary about instead of talking to him about it. He flipped at random through the pages , reading only a few entries here and there.

…_. Chris convinced me though. He can make me do anything. After a while Teddy and Vern left and me and Chris were alone. Chris laid down on his stomach and I could count the deep scars and bruises on his back. He always says they're from sports or bike accidents , he laughs it off like it's nothing! Like it's nothing that his dad beats him black and blue every chance he gets. It kills me to see it , sometimes I just want to murder Mr. Chambers so badly it frightens me. If I did then we could run away together , and live far away in a city somewhere. That is if he'd even want to live with me…._

_July 7__th_

_What the hell is happening to me! I know all about girls and sex and everything but nothing happens! What the hell is wrong? I bought a playboy from Rick at school , he said it was a good one with lots of real "high quality" girls in it , "guaranteed wood". When I looked at it later , alone , nothing really happened. I tried really hard , I tried jacking off but I just couldn't till I closed my eyes , and then only when…. Anyway , I think it's just I need a real girl to get turned on , not a picture in a magazine. Maybe then I'll feel , something. _

_July 29__th_

_Today Mr. Connolly's dog attacked us at the tree house. Chris was already up the ladder when it came barking and biting like a demon , barreling straight towards me. Before I knew what was going on Chris was on the ground in front of me , kicking the dog off with his feet. It all happened in what felt like a second. They fought for a moment and then Chris kicked it in the jaw and it ran away yelping. Chris was on the ground , he had some tears in his jeans and one of his shoes was missing. I yelled at him _

"_Chris Chambers you idiot! Why didn't you stay in the fucking tree house?" _

_He got up and looked over his injuries , _

"_You wouldn't have stood a chance in hell Gordo! Someone had to fight that bitch." _

_He was smiling , trying to laugh it off like he always does but I saw he was wincing from the bites and he couldn't stand on his left leg right. _

"_C'mon you suicidal bastard , those bites need some peroxide." _

_He would barely let me help him up into the tree house and complained the whole time I was trying to bandage his leg. I tried to tell him how thankful I was and how angry that he got hurt , and how stupid he was for doing something like that but all I could manage was a "Thanks man." Later he fell asleep on the old cot in the tree house , he was using his shirt as a pillow and for some reason I just couldn't stop starring at him. Envy probably , I'm so scrawny and boney and he's so , .. Well , Chris! _

_September 30__th_

_That Goddamn Bastard! That motherfucking piece of shit! Chris's dad is the most vile , cowardly , disgusting piece of filth ever to blight the planet. How the hell can someone like that be the father of someone like Chris? Damn him to fucking hell! Chris came to school with a bruise on his eye the size of a baseball and the color of a rotting eggplant. He said he fell out of a tree , but after begging him he finally told me his dad hit him for staying up doing homework. That son of a bitch! Chris's light probably hurt because of his perpetual hangover is more like it! For doing homework! Any other parent would be thrilled to death their son is doing so well in school , not his dad , nook! He just wants him to turn out a worthless drunk like him , but it won't happen! Chris is so much better than that. He's kind , and brave , and strong , and good , and…. I swear sometimes I just want to go over there , shoot Mr. Chambers in his goddamn face and run away with Chris. We could live together in some city somewhere , buy an apartment , work through college , we could have a life together , a damn good life. _

Chris came to the final entry in the journal.

_December 19__th_

_Damn it I can't take it anymore! I have to tell someone , even if it's just my stupid diary. I'm in love with Chris Chambers! Yeah , that's right , Chris , my best friend. I thought we were just really close friends but now I realize I don't think about him as just a friend , I like him so much more than that , I love him. He's compassionate , courageous , smart as hell and the most determined person I've ever known. All I want is to be around him for the rest of my life , to help him , to be there for him. Even if I am only ever just his friend. But what does he think about me? I know he can't possibly feel the same way I do. But what if he did? No , it's too ridiculous to think about . But I do love him , and I always will , I'd do anything for him. He's the greater part of my life. I just wish he could somehow love me back…._

Chris closed the notebook in stunned silence. He was jerked from his thoughts when he heard the front door slam. Gordie was home. He threw the notebook back in between the bed and the wall and hurried downstairs.


	4. Revelations

Grodie hummed the carol of the bells to himself as he put away the groceries he'd just bought for himself and Chris. He felt like he might explode at any moment from sheer happiness. It all seemed too much like a dream to be real, him and Chris, alone in the house on Christmas, like a real family or something. He heard Chris rush down the stairs as he reached to put a bag of flour on the top shelf of the cupboard. He smiled, Chris, in his house! It was still enough for him get as giddy as a tiny school girl.

Chris raced into the kitchen. Gordie was stretching for the top shelf and his small T-shirt clung to his sides showing a lovely couple of inches of his beautiful, slightly tanned skin and the waistband of his briefs. "He's your best friend man! And a guy! Stop looking at him like that! It's wrong!" He screamed in his head. He forced himself to look down at the linoleum tiles, trying to find their pattern interesting but failing dramatically.

"Hey Gordo, I need to go out for a while ok?" Chris said , his red face turned toward the floor. "Out? Why?" Gordie asked , oblivious to Chris's avoiding eyes.

"Because I need sometime alone. Because you're my best friend but I like you much more than that and apparently you do to. Because I'm bad for you and you need to move on and have a normal happy life with a wife and kids and shit. And because I don't know if I can control myself around you and you deserve much better than me." He mentally answered his friend.

"Um… To get a tree! Duh Gordo , what's Christmas without a fucking tree?"

Was what he answered , lying every word.

"Ok , sure. I'll come with you."

"No! , I mean , you can't I might be buying your present too." He smiled mischievously , praying Gordie would buy it.

"Ok , have fun." Chris ran out of the house into the cold winter night.

~X~

He walked slowly through the sweet smelling aisle of Christmas trees on display at the tree lot downtown , a wad of cash in his pocket and his head screaming with conflicting voices.

"_You like him , he likes you. And they lived happily ever after , end of story!"_

Part of him reasoned.

"_No! Gordie has too much holding him back already , the last thing he needs is you anchoring him to Castle Rock or Heaven forbid , people thinking he's some big Queer! No , what you need to do is make sure he gets into a nice college and the hell away from here , and the hell away from you! You're not good for him!"_

Another part argued.

"_Like he says , you can both make it out together! You don't have to weigh him down , you might be good for him , and he loves you for Christ's sake! How can "love" weigh someone down?" _

"_No , Gordie's a kid he doesn't know what's good for him , you need to be the better man and make sure he doesn't fuck his whole life up over someone like you!" _

The scene looked tranquil. A kid walking through rows of Christmas trees on a starry December night , snow on the ground and carols in the air , apparently browsing the wide selection of firs and pines , but inside Chris was fighting himself and he couldn't win.

"_Don't pull that "bigger man" shit with me! I know you've liked Gordo since first fucking grade! Remember when you built that tree house together?" _

"_I like him as a friend! That's all!"_

"_Bullshit! Friends don't watch friends the way you watch him when he's sleeping or when you're swimming in the river. Friends don't have dreams about friends living in the same house and sleeping in the same bed every night!" _

"_Shut up! So what if I do like him , it's still wrong!"_

"_Like hell it is! What's wrong with love?"_

Finally he told himself to shut the hell up. He focused solely on finding a tree , trying to block all mention of Gordie from his mind. He succeeded. Mostly. After carefully scrutinizing every tree twice he finally decided on a reasonable yet charming blue spruce. He hefted the tree up and carried it to the front to pay for it. When he got there , there were already people in front of him. A young couple , an auburn haired woman and a tall man with curly chestnut hair. The two seemed extremely drunk. They never stopped talking or laughing about this and that , inside jokes and funny memories. When it was their turn in line they went up and began drowning the old man who owned the lot in a deluge of euphoric chatter.

"This is our first Christmas together!" The redheaded woman said , proudly showing off a silver wedding ring.

"We're going to my parent's cabin in the mountains this year. The family's dying to see her." The young man beamed.

" Ah ,and I can see why!" The old man laughed "Shame on you , keepin the likes of her from your family so long!" He added with mock severity.

The three of them laughed as if it were the first and best joke they'd ever heard in their lives. The talk continued as the other workers on the lot tied up the tree and bound it to the top of the couple's car. The two never took their hands off each other , the were always kissing or hugging or caressing in some form or other.

Chris watched them and had a revelation. This is what he wanted with Gordie! Maybe with less giggling and sentimentality but the basic idea was the same. What he felt for Gordie was the same thing this man felt for his wife and the same thing she felt for him. Love. That was it , it wasn't wrong or perverse it was the oldest and noblest feeling on earth , and Chris was lucky enough to have found it. When the couple finally paid and left , Chris went up to pay for his tree.

"What about you young man? Have a sweetheart this Christmas?" The aged man asked jollily.

"Yes , I really do." He answered trying not to cry and fuck the whole thing up.

"A flower for the lucky lass then!" The old man announced , handing Chris a potted poinsettia flower from underneath the makeshift desk. "On the house!"

Chris thanked him and tried his best to run home with both the flower and tree in his hands , grinning like an idiot.

~X~

Grodie sat in his father's armchair and starred out the frosty window into the black night. He turned back to his journal , an brand new black one he'd just gotten from the store , and kept writing ,

… Chris is over at the house and my parents are gone , what more could I want? But I still feel cold and sad. I think Chris knows , maybe if only subconsciously , that I like him more than in a friendly sort of way. He practically ran out of the house just now and said I couldn't come with him when I offered to. He probably senses how much I like him and is repulsed by it , who wouldn't be? I'm scrawny and weak and he's a golden god , not to mention that if he knew he'd probably call me a 'fag' , spit in my face, and never talk to me again. Still I'm glad I can at least keep him from his shithead father this Christmas , and give him a real holiday, even if it just with me. I keep day dreaming about the two of us living as , I don't know , some sort of "couple" on some old house out in the country somewhere. We could be alone and no one would bother us , just us and the trees and the earth , we could both have jobs in a town just far enough away , we could have a life together. We'd eat the same food , live in the same rooms , sleep in the same bed….

A loud thump from upstairs made Grodie jump in his chair , he heard more noises above his head and went to the foot of the stairs to investigate.

"Who's there?" he demanded , trying to keep the quiver out of his voice.

"The ghost of Christmas present Gordo!" Chris called from the top of the steps.

He quickly and s noiselessly rushed down the stairs , holding something behind his back.

"Wait. How the hell did you get up there and why didn't you use the front door like a normal person?" Grodie asked.

"To get something and to surprise you Lachance!" Chris's voice seemed on edge and trembeling , the fake levity didn't fool Gordie , Chris was nervous as hell for some reason.

Chris took a deep breath , closed his eyes and handed Gordie a thin , gift wrapped present.

"Here you go Gordo , Merry Christmas."

"Aw thanks! I'll just put it-"

"No , I want you to open it now." Chris said , growing serious.

"Ok…"

Gordie tore off a piece of the bright green wrapping paper off of the gift. It revealed a bright red surface. He tore more. The bright red color of his notebook! His heart stopped , and then restarted much faster than usual. He swore he could feel every heart beat pounding in his chest. Racking his body with every thump. He made sure , yes it was , His notebook , somehow Chris had it! He panicked.

"Chris I can explain! It was a creative writing assignment where we had to put ourselves in the shoes of someone-" he blurted out.

"Shut up and open the goddamn present Gordo." Chris said smiling quietly

Gordie saw a red ribbon marking a page in the journal , he turned to it and read his own hand writing…

_I know he can't possibly feel the same way I do. But what if he did? No , it's too ridiculous to think about . _

His heart sank , Chris , Chris Chambers , all around tough guy and his best friend , had read this!

"Chris , I-" He stammered.

"Keep reading man." Chris responded.

_But I do love him , and I always will , I'd do anything for him. He's the greater part of my life. I just wish he could somehow love me back…._

There on the bottom of the page , in Chris's rather large , comforting handwriting there was this sentence.

_I do Gordo! I always have how could you not notice? You're the most amazing , intelligent , kind , beautiful guy in the world and I will love you till the day I die! _

" It's true man , every word. Merry Christmas Gordie."

Chris said with tears in his eyes and a smile on his face.

P.S

Please review! The longer , the more detailed , the more critical the better! And Happy Christmas All.


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